THE HOME SHOULD TEACH THREE THINGS THAT CANNOT BE ADEQUATELY AND PROPERLY TAUGHT ANYWHERE ELSE. If these three things are not taught in the home, our children can never hope to be the kind of citizens they ought to be. In the rest of this message I want to mention these three things. May God help me as I try to present these great truths, and may God help the readers to see the vital importance of these in the life of the child!
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THE HOME SHOULD TEACH DISCIPLINE
Did you notice that the text says, "I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the Lord to do justice and judgment." When God selected Abraham and called him out, He did it because He was not only interested in Abraham as an individual. He was also interested in his son, and his grandchildren. and generations yet unborn. God was planning to raise up a nation through which to bless the world, and He wanted a man that could be relied upon to teach His children the right way. If Abraham had failed in the training of his family, then God would have been thwarted in His plans and purposes. God, therefore, selected a man that could be relied upon to command his children and his household after him. The same thing is true with us today. God is not only interested in us as individuals; He is also concerned about our children and our children's children. The future of the Church and civilization rests upon the youth of today. The boys and girls of today will be the leaders of tomorrow, and it behooves us to see that they are properly taught and trained for the duties that shall come to them in the future.
It may seem strange to you that I should mention discipline as the first thing that must be taught a child if it is to be religious. This is the very place we must begin, however, if we expect to develop the kind of character our children should have. We cannot develop the right kind of character in any child unless we first teach him discipline, obedience and self-control. This is the very foundation for the development of Christian character. Without this, all other things will fail.
Susannah Wesley said that the first principle in training a child was to conquer the child. She claimed that you must teach that child that you are the master and when you say "no," you mean "no;" and when you say "yes," you mean "yes." Now, I am well aware of the fact that this is not according to the teaching of many modern teachers of psychology. They sneer at the idea of correcting a child and teaching it to obey you. They contend that you must not suppress your child, nor correct it. They have been teaching that you must let him have his way and give expression to himself. If little Johnnie or Mary wants to climb up on the dressing-table and take a hammer and break the mirror, let him or her go ahead and do it. By all means don't suppress them; for if you do, you may be suppressing some artistic instinct in the child. But if you let him go, then he may grow up some day to be a house-wrecker. Usually that is just exactly what he grows up to be. He not only gets to be a housewrecker but he also makes a home-wrecker and a life-wrecker. He not only wrecks the nerves and lives of all the people around him; he also wrecks his own life.
One of the most destructive things that we have had in the past twenty-five years, to my mind, is this very teaching from some of these so-called authorities on child training. They have done much more harm than they realize. Many young parents have followed this false teaching and ruined their children. The world is filled with young outlaws who have no regard for law or anything else. Their chief concern is to have their own way and do as they please. Our penal institutions are filled with young people who are hardly out of their teens. They are outlaws, and they were made outlaws by indulgent mothers and fathers who had no conception of their proper duty to their child. This one thing we all know: the old plan of our fathers and mothers worked. Under the old pattern they really produced characters who were a blessing to the world. The new system has proved that it is wrong. By their fruits ye shall know them. We need a return to the tried and proved method of teaching children to obey and respect their parents. In fact, this is one of the basic principles laid down in the Bible, that parents must teach and train their children in such a way the child will grow up to obey and respect his parents. When anyone violates this great principle, he defies one of the greatest principles in religion and he is bound to fail.
We must recognize the fact that we live in a world of law and order. There are great moral and spiritual laws in this universe that must be obeyed. Obey, or you suffer the consequences. There are great physical laws in this universe that must be obeyed. Again, we must obey them, or suffer the consequences. There are great civic laws in this world that must be obeyed. To violate them means to suffer the consequences. Our children are going out to live in such a world of law and order. If we do not teach them, therefore, the great basic principle of discipline, and obedience, we are doing them great injustice. We are disqualifying them for life. Thus our land is filled with fine young men and women who have bright minds and could have wonderful personalities, if they had been properly taught in their childhood and youth. But sad to say, many of them are misfits and cannot hold down a job and do not know how to play the game of life. The reason for this may be found in the fact that they were not taught this great basic principle in their childhood. With the right kind of training they could have made a great success in life and would have been happy in this world. As it is they are misfits, and have turned sour and have become cynical about the whole thing. Much of this can be traced to the fact that they were brought up by indulgent fathers and mothers who failed to teach them discipline, obedience, and self-control.
Many indulgent parents have the mistaken idea that they are being good to their child and doing it a favor, when they give in to it and let it grow up to do as it pleases. I want to say that you are not being good to your child when you humor and pet him, and let him grow up to do as he pleases. The truth of the matter is, you are doing your child an irreparable damage. You are disqualifying yourchild for success and happiness in this world. You are sending your child out into life with a serious handicap which he may never be able to overcome.
Anyone that knows anything about the training of animals knows that the first principle in training an animal is to let it know that you are the master and that your wishes must be obeyed. I grew up with horses and I love them. I have had the privilege of training some real good saddle horses, and I learned many years ago, that if I was going to train and develop a colt, I must first conquer that colt. It was not necessary to be harsh and cruel in doing this. In fact, one must not be harsh and cruel either with an animal or a child, but a person certainly does have to be firm and let them know you mean business. Any man that has ever had any experience with a bird dog knows that you can buy the finest bred puppy in the world, with the finest blood that ever ran through a dog's veins, but unless he teaches that pup to obey him and do what he wants it to do, the dog won't be worth the shotgun shell that it would take to blow its brains out. If this is true of horses and dogs, then it is a thou- sand times truer of boys and girls. We need to recognize that there is a nature in our children that must not be expressed. They need to be taught and trained to give expression to the highest and best there is in them, rather than doing what they please. The thought that a two or three year old child has sense enough to choose the right way and know what is best for him, is one of the most preposterous ideas that any one could ever advance. If children had sense enough to develop their own character, God would never have provided for them the home and parental teaching. The animals of the woods may know by instinct what to do, but certainly this is not true of children. They need guidance and teaching, and they need parents that have will power enough to guide and teach them according to God's plan and purpose.
Some one has said that today there is just as much authority exercised in the home as ever. The only difference is that the children exercise it today, whereas the parents used to exercise it. That is true in far too many instances.
Dr. George Stuart tells of going to a large city church to preach. After he had finished his message a prominent banker came up and tod him this story: "Dr. Stuart, we have one son in our home. He is a grown young man now and works in the bank with me. He is the pride and joy of our hearts and lives. When he was first born, however, being the only child, we loved him so much and were so proud of him that we humored and petted him. We gave in to him and let him have his way. We never corrected him or denied him anything he wanted. He grew up to be a willful and rebellious child. When it came time for him to start to school we sent him to the public school. He had only attended a few days when he came home one evening with a note from the teacher. In this note the teacher said I would have to send my child to some other school, since they could not do anything with him. She said he would not obey the rules, and interfered with the whole program of the school." The banker continued, "I complained against the teacher and the school, but finally sent my son to a private school. He had only gone a few days to this school when he came home with a similar note from the teacher, saying they could do nothing with my son. To make a long story short, I sent that boy to five different schools and each time they sent him home saying they could do nothing with him. They said he would not obey the rules and broke up the classes. Each time he was sent home I complained about the teacher and the schools." "Finally," he said, "My wife got enough of it, and she stood before me and said, 'Now, hush! There is not a word of truth in that! It is not the teacher's fault, and it is not the fault of the school. It is your fault. Ever since that child has been in the world, you have humored and petted him. You have always let him have his way. You have never made him mind you, and you have never corrected him. You have given in to him and have never permitted anyone else to correct him. In other words, you have made an outlaw of your son,and now when he has to go out into life and must play the game according to the rules, he does not know how. You are to blame for it. You have disqualified your son to live with other people. Yes, you are to blame for it!'
"Doctor," said the banker, "It cut like a knife, but I realized my wife was telling the truth and I suddenly saw that I had failed my son. I took the lad by the arm and said, 'Son, let us go for a walk. We walked out into a large clump of woods where I thought we would not be seen nor disturbed. Then I turned and looked my son in the eyes and confessed to him that I had failed in my duty to him and to God. I asked my son to forgive me for my failures of the past, and promised him that I would do better in the future, by the grace and power of God. Then I told him to remove his coat. He looked at me in surprise and asked me why I wanted him to take off his coat. I said, 'Son, I am going to give you a good whipping this morning. You have needed it many, many times before but I have been too spineless and sentimental to do my duty toward you. But from now on I am going to try and be the kind of father you have a right to have.' My boy threw his head back and laughed in my face, and said, 'Dad, you can't whip me. I am too big to be whipped.' I informed him that I would either whip him or he would leave me dead in those woods. When he saw I meant business, he took off his coat and I gave him a sound thrashing. Then we got down on our knees and had prayer together. When we got up and started back to the house I put my arm around my son and said, 'Son, I love you. I love you better today than I have ever loved you in my life; but I want you to know that from now on we are turning over a new leaf, and things are going to be different at our house. From now on you are going to obey me and you are going to obey your mother. In the morning you are going back to the public school and you are going to obey the teacher and behave yourself. If you don't, then 1 am going to cut the skin on your back when you get home.'
"Dr. Stuart, I never had any more trouble with my boy. He saw that I meant business, and now realized that he must obey his parents. He has grown up to be a dutiful and obedient son, and he is the pride and joy of our hearts today." Then, with tears in his eyes and a choke in his voice he said, "Doctor, you know I came very near waiting too long. I nearly missed my last chance with my son."
May I say, with all earnestness of my heart, that it is possible to wait too long. You can let your child go so far and become so set in his ways that it is impossible to do anything with him. There is a time in the life of a baby when it naturally looks up to you and expects you to be the master. By firmness at that time, you can teach that child to respect and obey you and he will grow up to reverence and respect you, and will be the pride and joy of your heart. When he reaches manhood he will rise up and call you blessed and will bring joy to your heart. You can give in to that child, however, and let him have his way and let him ride rough-shod over your wishes. But he will grow up to despise you, and have nothing in his heart but contempt for you. He will grow up to be rebellious and headstrong, and will go out to wreck his own life and bring gray hairs to your head. Today there are literally thousands of children that are doing just that very thing, and in many instances the parents are to blame for it. They have failed in their duty of teaching their children discipline, obedience, and self-control. One of the great failures of this day and age is right at this point. No one knows how much harm has been done by the foolish teaching that children are not to be corrected, but must be permitted to have their way. I am not contending for cruel treatment for children. That is not what I have in mind at all. In fact, I recognize that much harm has been done by harsh parents who were too ready to use the rod every time the child did not please them. There have been some parents that have used the rod not so much for the good of the child as they have used it to give expression to their anger and displeasure. Whenever that is done, of course it does more harm than good. In fact, there are many children that can be handled better by firm, kind talkingthan by the use of the rod. I am not contending just for punishment. That is secondary. The main thing is to be firm and teach your child to obey and respect you. My father never did use the rod much. In fact, he only whipped me three times in my life. However, my father was firm with us children and we grew up to respect and obey him. While he did not whip much, we all knew he would whip if it was needed. We loved and respected him and knew his word was law. There was no slavish fear at our house, but there was wholesome respect for parental authority, and I thank God that I was brought up that way. You will find that the men and women of the past who have amounted to something in this world, were brought up under the same kind of training; and any child of today that misses such training has missed something very vital out of his early life.
It may be that you think I am cranky on this subject, and have gone too far in my contention for the teaching of discipline and obedience, but I am convinced in my own mind that too much stress cannot be put on this point. I travel so much and have the chance to see the evil effects of letting children do as they please. If you could see it as I do, you would surely feel the same way about it.
Not long ago I was holding a meeting in a certain town and was being entertained in the home of the pastor. In that home they had one little girl, about three years of age, who, when she was in a good humor, was as sweet as an angel. However, when she got mad and flew into a fit, it was painful to be around. She would go into a tantrum, yell, kick and scream at the top of her voice until her parents let her have her way. They lived in constant fear and dread that something would go wrong and upset the child. They humored and petted her all the time. Even then she would have mad fits every now and then. I remember one morning we were at the breakfast table when something went wrong that displeased the child. She jumped up and down in her high chair and beat her cereal bowl on the tray of the chair, and finally threw it on the floor. Then she grabbed the corner of the tablecloth and snatched it off the table, taking with it all the china and silver. She broke several of the dishes, and that spineless mother and father just stood there and watched her do it. Finally, the mother started wringing her hands and calling out, "Honey, don't do that! Honey, don't do that! Now, look what you have done! You have broken mother's nice new china that Daddy gave her for her anniversary present. Aren't you ashamed of yourself? I just know you are going to break your poor old mother's heart! You ought to be ashamed of yourself for treating your mother and father like that!" I sat there and looked on and felt like saying to that mother and father, "Be ashamed of yourself for treating your child like that! You both ought to be whipped for failing to teach your child any better than that!"
One night while I was staying in that home, we came home from church and that three-year-old child walked in and proceeded to take a fine, expensive Bible off the table, sat down on the floor and tore pages out of it and threw them at her father and mother. That mother spent nearly an hour begging and pleading with that child to try and get her to agree to give up the Bible and go to bed. Finally that empty headed little mother turned to me and said, "Oh, Brother Church, patience is a virtue when you are trying to rear children these days!" Virtue nothing! That is an abomination in the sight of God! That is enough to make angels weep! It does seem that any mother would have more sense than that! Tn the first place, that mother ought to have known that every time that child had a mad fit and went into a tantrum she was shooting her whole system full of poison. Any doctor will tell you that an angry fit fills the stomach with a poison that upsets the whole digestive system. When a child is permitted to have such fits at frequent intervals, she is almost sure to grow up with chronic indigestion and will become a neurotic. It seems that any sensible person ought to be able to see that a child brought up like that is being disqualified to go out and make a success in life, and live happily with other people. We ought to be able to see that our children can't have their way allthe time. If they are taught no better than that, their lives will be wrecked.
Now just imagine that little girl growing to womanhood and acting like that. Each time she is crossed or can't have her way she flies into a rage and has a mad fit. Then some day a poor, unsuspecting young man comes along and falls in love with that young lady. After the honeymoon is over and they have settled down to life, something comes up that she does not like. If she can't have her way now, and if the young man won't give in to her, then she will throw a fit and go into a tantrum. If she can't have her way she will grab her compact and week-end bag and go trotting back home to mother, for she knows that mother will let her have her way. Mother will give in to her and pet her. Another marriage has gone on the rocks. My friends, you let a girl reared on those principles marry a boy that has been reared the same way and you might as well play "The Fight Is On," for a wedding march; for, as sure as you are born, it is on. No couple can live together and meet the problems of married life and both of them have their way all the time. One or the other is going to have to know how to give in, if they are to live together in peace. One or the other will have to know how to bite their lips and hold their tongue, or the frail barque of matrimony surely will go on the rocks. If children are not taught these things in the home by the parents, where in the world will they ever learn them? You know our courts are filled today with cynical and disillusioned young men and young women that started out a few weeks or months ago on the sea of matrimony with high hopes and beautiful dreams. Today those dreams are shattered and those hopes are dashed to the ground. Those hearts are filled with bitterness and the outlook is one of cynicism and disgust. They have made a failure of marriage, and many times you could trace the whole trouble back to the fact that those young people did not get the right kind of teaching and training in their homes. They were allowed to grow up to do as they pleased, and were never taught the great basic principles of discipline, obedience, and self-control. If they had been properly taught along that line, they would be happy today and their hearts would be filled with joy.
Our courts and penal institutions have many boys and girls that are not yet out of their teens. They are outlaws, and many of them were made outlaws by spineless mothers and fathers that failed to teach their children obedience. You can't develop great character without this foundation teaching. Discipline is the basis upon which character is built. If the foundation is not there, the whole structure will fall of its own weight. May God help us to see this.
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