THE HOME IS SUPPOSED TO TEACH IDEALS AND PRINCIPLES
The second thing that cannot adequately be taught anywhere outside the home is proper ideals and principles. I mean those great basic conceptions of right and wrong, sobriety and honesty, that prove to be the stars that guide the frail barque of human life across the tempestuous sea of time.
The home should give to the child those great moral conceptions that will hold the life steady in its stress and strain, and will act as anchors to the soul.
We send our children to school and there they learn many fine things, but we have no right to expect our school teachers to give our sons and daughters those great basic principles that will prove to be the foundation upon which they can build their lives. It is impossible for the teacher alone to give the children these conceptions of right and wrong. They may try to do this and no doubt they can help the child along that line, but the child will get his strongest convictions and deepest impressions along this line, from his parents at home. No teacher can completely overcome the ideas and conceptions that the child gets from the parents. There is no one that can make as strong an impression on the heart and mind of a child as his father and mother. Children are constantly learning from their parents. In fact, the very atmosphere of the home makes a strong impression upon theheart and mind of the child. That is why it is not enough for the parents to say to the child, "Don't do as I do, but do as I tell you to do." That will not do; for the child will come nearer doing what you do, than doing what he is told to do. We learn much more by example than we do by precept. I have forgotten many things my father and mother said to me, but I can never forget how they lived. The influence of their example will follow me to my grave.
Some years ago, while still a pastor, I had a man in my church who was a lawyer. In fact, he was the Chairman of my Board of Stewards. This man said to me one day, "Brother Church, the greatest lesson on honesty I ever learned was from my father. I was but a small lad. We lived on a farm about five miles out from the town of S__, and one day my father let me go to town with him in the two-horse wagon. We did some shopping and had some grinding done at the mill. Late in the afternoon as we were on our way home, I was driving the team and father had his wallet out counting his money and making some mental calculations. Finally he turned to me, and calling me by name, said, "That man up there at the mill gave me six cents too much money in change." I replied, 'Well, father, the next time you go back to town you will have to return the six cents to the man at the mill.' My father reached over and took the lines out of my hands and stopped the team. Then he looked at me and said, 'R__, I am an old man and the doctors say I have a very bad heart. In fact, they say I am liable to drop dead at any time, or I might die in my sleep. I would hate mighty bad to die in my sleep tonight and have money in my pocket that did not belong to me. That man up there at the mill might have a bill to pay in the morning, and he may lack just six cents having enough to pay his bill. I sure would hate for that man to be unable to meet his obligations or be embarrassed just because I had his money. No, you go on home and take care of the team and do up the chores and I will go back and return the six cents to the man while I am able.' I drove down the road that afternoon," the lawyer continued, "and looked back many times at my old stoop-shouldered daddy, as he trudged back up the road to return six cents that did not belong to him. I knew that he would have five miles to walk after he had returned the six cents. That made an indelible impression on my heart and mind, one that I have never been able to get away from. There have been times when I have had temptations, and there have been times when I could have cut the corner and taken advantage of my fellow man and could have made a large sum of money. But the vision of my honest old father would always rise before me, and I could not get the consent of my mind to go against the example of my father's honesty. His life and example have done more to hold me steady than all the teachings of other people." Happy is the boy that has had such a father, and has had such an example as that set before him.
I shall never forget an experience that I had when I was about eighteen years of age. I had gone into the market business in Winston-Salem and needed some money to enlarge my business. At eighteen years of age I was very boyish looking. On Monday morning I walked into the office of Mr. Henry Shaffner, who at that time was President of the Wachovia Bank and Trust Company in Winston-Salem. I said, "Mr. Shaffner, I came up this morning to see if I could borrow a thousand dollars for about ninety days. I need it to enlarge my business." Mr. Shaffner was a rather gruff, short-spoken man, and he looked me over from head to foot and finally said, "How old are you, son?" I replied, "I am eighteen years of age." He looked at me and said, "No! You can't borrow a thousand dollars from this bank. Don't you know that you are a minor and your name is not worth the paper you would write it on? We can't do business with minors. Who are you, anyway?" I said to him, "Church is my name, John Church." He looked me over again very closely and said, "Which one of the Churches is your Daddy?" I said, "My father's name is Bill Church. He works for the Crystal Ice and Coal Company." He wheeled around to his desk and filled out a note for one thousand dollars for ninety days and then handed it to me and said, "Go down there to the barn and get your Daddy to puthis mark on that note and then come back and get your money. Bill Church's boy can borrow money from this bank if he is not but twelve years old." Friends, I walked out of that bank that morning with my head up, my chest out, and the joy-bells ringing in my heart. I had rather for that man to have said what he did about my father, than for him to have given me a thousand dollars and said that my father's name was not worth the paper it was written on. You know, my friends, there are some things that are better than silver and gold. There is an inheritance that you can leave to your children that is finer than stocks and bonds, or houses and lands. "A good name is more to be desired than great riches," and to live in such a way that your children can walk through this world with their heads up and will have no reason to be ashamed of the way their parents have lived, is one of the finest heritages that anyone can leave.
Some time ago a farmer came into Winston-Salem on business and he brought his little five-year-old son with him. They walked down Trade Street in Winston-Salem and turned into a cafe. The man placed his small son on a stool and then took the stool next to the boy. The waiter behind the counter said, "And Mister, what will you have this morning?" The man said, "I believe you can give me a good, cold bottle of beer, if you please." Then the waiter said, "And what will the little man have this morning?" The little boy with bright shiny eyes said, "I believe I will take the same thing that Daddy takes. You can give me a bottle of beer too, if you don't mind." The father said, "Wait a minute! Hold on! If my boy is going to take what I take, I don't want beer! I don't want my son drinking beer! You can give me a glass of water, please.
Fathers, if you don't want your boy to drink beer you had better not drink it. If you don't want your boy to curse or smoke, you had better not curse or smoke before him. If you want your son to be sober honest and religious, it would be wise for you to set the right example for him to follow. Mothers, if you don't want your daughter to smoke, curse, and drink then you had better not do these things before her. If you want your daughter to be pure and live a Christian life, it would be best for you to do these things before her so that she will have the right kind of example. Some time ago a little girl of sixteen was brought in at two o'clock in the morning. She was as drunk as she could be and had been out until that hour with a young man that was a drunkard and lived in immorality. When some one spoke to her about it and asked her what she thought her mother would say about such conduct, she replied, "Mother had better not jump on me about the things I am doing, for I happen to know how she is living, and she is doing a lot of things that are worse than what I do." What a tragedy it is for children to have such examples set before them by their parents! Some one has said that the real problem of today is not the children but the parents. I fear that this is true in far too many instances. We cannot expect any better of our boys and girls if their parents set such an example before them. It is perfectly natural for a boy to think his father is the greatest man in all the world. It is natural for a son to feel that what his father does is all right for him to do. It is perfectly natural for every child to feel that his mother is the greatest woman in all the world, and to feel that what mother does is right for him to do. Indeed, it is hard to overcome the influence of the parents over their children.
I shall never forget, some years ago while I was still in the pastorate, I walked into my study one morning and there on the floor I found a slip of paper that some one had clipped from the newspaper. As I sat there reading it, my wife walked in, looked over my shoulder and saw what I was reading. She said to me, "Do you know where that came from?" I said, "No, I don't know where it came from, but, I wish I did know." She said, "John Jr. cut that out of the newspaper and has been carrying it in his school books now for sometime." (John, Jr. is our only living son and is now over twenty-five years of age). This is what I read on that slip of paper:
IF I CAN BE LIKE MY DADDY
"If I can be like my daddy,
If I can say the things he said,
If I am always thoughtful and good,
Then I'll have nothing to dread.
"If I can be like my daddy,
I'll love suffering humanity,
And try to lighten their burdens,
With sympathy sincere and true.
"If I can be like my daddy,
I'll give all a chance to live,
And though no money repay me,
My services again will I give.
"If I can be like my daddy,
If I can be faithful and true,
I'll do all I can for my Master,
And never regret what I do.
"If I can be like my daddy,
Twill always be my very best,
I'll learn to hope, to live, and die,
Giving my days to help the rest.
"If I can be like my daddy,
If I can run the course he ran,
When the time comes for my life to end,
I'll be known as a real man."
(Author Unknown to me).
I am frank to confess to you that I have had many compliments paid me that I have appreciated a great deal, and I have had honors bestowed upon me that I have prized very highly. Some years ago I stood in the Hughes Memorial Auditorium at Asbury College and had the honorary degree of Doctor of Divinity bestowed upon me. I did not f eel worthy of this great honor, and do not now feel that I am worthy of it. I appreciated it more than words can tell. However, I do not prize that honor, nor any other that has ever been bestowed upon me, half as much as I do the honor that my own son bestowed upon me when he picked me out and said in his heart that he would like to be that kind of a man. As I go up and down this land preaching the gospel to other people's sons and daughters and trying to win them for Christ, I always keep in my mind the fact that down there in Winston-Salem, North Carolina, there is a young man that has picked me out as his ideal, and has said in his heart, "If I can live that kind of life and be that kind of man, I will be all right." I have written that little poem on the flyleaf of my Bible and my Testament, and many times when I am far from home I read it. I go then to my knees in prayer, asking God to help me live in such a way that it will be safe for my sonto follow in my steps. May God help each and every one of us to so live that it will be safe for our children to follow in our footsteps. This is truly the greatest heritage that we can hand down to our children. I may never be able to leave my son houses and lands, but I can, with the help of God, live such a life and set before him such an example, that he will feel rich beyond compare when he thinks of the life of his father. It is my earnest desire to do just that very thing. May God help all of us to so live that it will be safe for our children to take the same things we take and walk in the same path that we have traveled.
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